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Death comes in threes

My mom, born in rural Iowa during the depression, has certain rules that allow you to magically control the uncontrollable. I love it. For example, because the weather is fickle, always garden based on...

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Antidote to going to hell in a hand basket

“We are all going to hell in a hand basket.” Really? Well, yes. Look around. Canadian fires to the north. Floods to the east. Dangerous heat extremes to the south. And no water to the west. Yikes. And...

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Playing as an old man

Listen, this is truly going somewhere. I promise. But the journey requires that we play Candy Land, which means we have to get past Peppermint Forest and Gumdrop Mountains and survive Molasses Swamp,...

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Dog years

“Life expectancy at birth for women in the United States dropped 0.8 years from 79.9 years in 2020 to 79.1 in 2021, while life expectancy for men dropped one full year, from 74.2 years in 2020 to 73.2...

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DIARY ENTRY — THANKSGIVING, NOV. 23, 2023

The cardboard box is tucked under the eaves in the attic. Spiderwebs and insulation cling to the top. Old baby beds and suitcases and containers of long-abused toys surround it. Stale, warm air drifts...

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The cost-of-concert blues

The tightly sealed cardboard box from the attic is an accumulation of orphaned items too dear to trash. There’s a first communion missal, a holy water font to hang on my wall, a kindergarten report...

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Long Johns and life

My friend and I kneel clumsily on the side of the altar in the early morning dark before school begins. Our shoes are covered by our black cassocks, which are straitjackets for squirmy 11-year-olds. So...

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Bad luck as… comedy?

Bad luck is bad luck. True enough. But there are certainly different types of bad luck. There’s the really bad luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it’s a matter of life or death....

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Best loser — a new CITYVIEW Best of Des Moines category?

CITYVIEW Best Beaverdale Area Store Once again taking home Best Beaverdale Area Store … Beaverdale Books. Runner-up: Back Country We do love to compete, don’t we? Probably due to some Darwinian gamble...

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Expedition to the top of the head

My dermatologist slowly goes over my bald head with gentle fingers and a calm voice. He dictates to his assistant as he goes — much like an explorer taking notes on the unusual flora and fauna found in...

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